Effective Communication

Effective communication can be divided into two parts: expressing yourself clearly to others and being an active listener. Let’s first look at expressing yourself.

When communicating with others in your day-to-day life, you need to consider not only what you say but also how you say it. What you express verbally only makes up 7% of the message you communicate and the other 93% of what you’re communicating is based on your non-verbal cues.

So how can you communicate more effectively?

Here are some of my top tips:

  • Firstly it is important to think about your choice of words and how what you say might be interpreted.
  • If you have a lot to say or something difficult to say, then make notes beforehand and plan what you will say.
  • It is always good to check if the person has understood you and clarify anything that they may have misunderstood or found confusing.
  • Timing is also something to consider; think about having the conversation when it is good for both yourself and the other person. Ensure that you or the other person are not distracted or in the middle of doing something and if tensions are high, then wait to have the conversation once there is a calmer atmosphere.
  • If you need to have a difficult conversation, do not attempt this when you are tired for example late at night or after an exhausting day at work.
 

How you say something is crucial and this includes not only the sound of your voice, volume and intonation but also your body language, facial gesture, posture and other non-verbal cues.

Consider the following things to communicate effectively non-verbally:

  • Be congruent; ensure that what you say is matched by your facial gesture, body language and tone of voice or the other person may interpret you as not being honest or sincere. For example, if you say that something is fine but you have your arms folded, don’t make eye contact and have an annoyed tone then this gives a confusing message. Your non-verbal cues if not congruent with what you say will cause the listener to ignore what you are saying and interpret what you are saying from your non-verbal communication alone.
  • Make eye contact to connect with the listener and to show confidence and sincerity, however, be careful not to continually stare as this may come across as intimidating. Every now and again, take a short glance away by focusing your gaze slightly to the side of the person’s face.
  • Think about your posture and how you position your body in relation to the other person. If you want to feel more confident or at least give the appearance of being confident, stand or sit upright with your shoulders back and have your hands resting in your lap, if sitting, or at the side of your body, if standing. Position your body so it faces towards the other person.
 

Now as mentioned earlier, the second part of being an effective communicator is about being a good active listener. Active listening can be achieved using your verbal and non-verbal responses.

Here are come crucial things that will help you to be an good active listener:

  • Reflective listening – you need to be able to summarise and say what the person said. This shows that you are listening and that you are interested in them.
  • You can also ask questions to show you are interested in what they are saying.
  • Reflective listening also involves picking-up on what the person did not say and this can be done from observing their body language or listening to their tone of voice.
  • If you did not understand something that was said, then check with the person if you understood correctly or ask them to repeat it.
  • Empathise and show you understand their point. Showing that you understand and can relate to how someone feels, helps to build rapport.
  • Make eye contact and position yourself towards the person who is speaking to show you are fully present and interested in what they are saying; this is a great way to show acknowledgement. 

Become an effective communicator!

Next time you have a difficult conversation that you know you need to have with somebody, spend 15 minutes planning what you will say by making notes. Pre-empt any questions they may ask you and think about your reply.

Rehearse it out loud in front of a mirror and notice your facial gesture and your posture. Think about your tone of voice and volume.